"We have to decide what it is that we want and say, “YES!” to it. This means we have to say, “No,” to something else." - Dr. Tonia Winchester

In the intro of this episode I called this: The one thing you must do before you can ever consider achieving work-life balance, because that’s the title of the old blog post I read in this retrosode.

SIDE NOTE:

What’s a retrosode? It’s where in real time, without pre-reading it, I record an ollllllld blog post. Why?

A) Posterity. Let's look and see how far we've come.

B) Curiosity. What was Past Tonia curious about back then? Is current Tonia still curious about the same things? Do my questions still hold up? Are there other questions that we need to be asking or would be more helpful or productive?

C) Entertainment. You’ve gotta see the delight in this!

But this episode is actually called: MAKING SPACE FOR YOURSELF…. So don’t worry - you’re in the right place.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute a therapeutic relationship and is not in any way, shape, or form designed or intended  to be therapeutic, clinical, or medical advice.

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LINKS/ SHOW NOTES: 

FROM DR. TONIA

POST: The One Thing you MUST do Before you can EVER Consider Achieving “Work-Life Balance”

#50 - Why Are You Lying To Yourself? 

#37 - What’s Going On? 

#47 - Turning Thinking into Doing

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🧠💗💫Thanks for wondering with me today. If you got something good out of this then please forward this episode to people who you know could benefit.

Be sure to subscribe, and if you're really keen when you leave us a rating and review, that helps us help more people.

🙏Thank you in advance for that. If you're wanting more insights about how you can leverage the power of your unconscious mind to go back into healing mode head on over to ⁠⁠⁠⁠toniawinchester.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ where you can find my books: Break Through The Insomnia Cycle and Thinking Kindly and other helpful ideas.

👏Thanks again and we'll connect on the next episode of the Wonder With Me.

In the meantime may you choose to make all your dreams come true.

🧠💗💫 Dr. Tonia Winchester, ND, NLP

Naturopathic DoctorMind-Body Healing Coach

Author: ⁠Break Through The Insomnia Cycle⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Author: ⁠⁠Thinking Kindly⁠

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➕For more post and podcasts head to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠coach.toniawinchster.com/posts⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠🙋‍♀️What to get in touch? Leave me a voice message right here on Spotify. I love hearing from listeners!

🎵INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC: West My Friend 

APPROXIMATE TRANSCRIPT

This dramatically titled blog post was published in 2013 when I first started my blog. 

READ THE POST HERE. 

What do you want to make more space for in your life? 

What is one action step that you can take to wiggle in some space for it? 

It’s a very cute story. I appreciate the notion that I wrote this two years after that whole thing took place and that I never got that protein powder exchange - 15 years later!! 🤣🤣

I don't remember this, to be honest, but I love how this ties so nicely into Episode 50, in which I pose a very similar question: 

Why is it that we lie to ourselves?

It’s because we’re shaped by the culture, family, and society into which we were born. It's like we have these containers that surround us. Sometimes those containers help us stay safe, and sometimes they prevent us from individuating in the world, which means that we don't pave our own path. 

We don't identify for ourselves the things, values, truths, and beliefs that we want to embody and act on. Instead, we get shuffled along like a herd of sheep and are told how to do life. We’re told how to be in certain scenarios, how to dress, how to act, and what profession to be.

When we embody these types of expectations or rules (spoken or not), we negate ourselves. We say, “No,” to aspects of ourselves because we're saying, “Yes,” to other people and other ideas. 

We have to decide what it is that we want and say, “YES!” to it. This means we have to say, “No,” to something else. We have to flip the script. 

These containers and rule structures that we're born into are not our fault, nor a product of our own choosing. They're not a character flaw, defect, or a weakness. 

Instead, they're simply unspoken rules. Sometimes those rules are really helpful. And sometimes block us from actually being our fully self-expressed individual human being. 

These societal and family containers that we're born into are a way of keeping us in a specific position - our expected position. Every time we try to move out of those containers, the system itself has these homeostatic checks and balances in place. We make a move, and the system makes a counter move to put us back in our place.

If it’s so inevitable, how do we break free from these trappings? 

I help people do exactly that in my SHIFT mind-body healing sessions. This work can unlock us from these stuck patterns so that we can actually start to take steps in our lives, our health, and our behaviors. 

That's very exciting for me. And unfortunately, it's not just as simple as getting a bigger sticky note or an extra sticky note. Sometimes we really have to take responsibility, grow up and mature out of these scenarios.

Freeing ourselves from these containers has profound benefits. I discuss them in EPISODE 37 and 47. Do give those a listen and hear some of the amazing, powerful things that have happened for me and my clients. 

Coming back to this question… why do we lie to ourselves? 

I want to adjust that question and ask a different one. The question, “Why?” is helpful for one thing. 

It’s helpful to get us to the root cause(s) of why something might exist. 

What the question, “Why?” doesn’t do is help us out of a problem into a solution. 

Example: 

Why do I eat a bag of potato chips every night? (Not autobiographical, by the way). 

Because I want to escape. 

Why do I want to escape? 

Because I have pain in my life. 

Why do I have pain in my life? 

Because I had some trauma happen when I was a kid.

I'm expediting this thought process - obviously, there's going to be more complexity and nuance to this. 

Ultimately, this questioning will lead us to an event or a series of events early in life, where we decided that we needed to behave or escape in a specific way so that we could feel some semblance of content and peace inside. And this is true even if from the outside the behavior could be labelled as problematic or destructive.

The more helpful question to ask is, “For what purpose?” 

Let’s use that same example: 

For what purpose am I eating this bag of potato chips?

To escape. 

To escape for what purpose? 

For calm. 

(Again, I'm expediting this thought process)

For peace. 

The question, “For what purpose?” directs us to a state that is real, good and true. It’s a way of being inside that we consider to be a “core state.” Core states don’t depend on anything or anyone outside of us. They are states we can just step into any time, any place. 

Examples could include peace, love, wholeness, okayness. 

Connie- Rae Andreas developed this work and it’s also a relaxing and healing process I take my clients through. 

Not only does this question, “For what purpose?” offer us access to those core states, it also gives us the solution. 

Because if we know the deep(er/est) purpose of our behaviours, which in this instance with the potato chips was  peace (which implies that I don't have access to the peace without the potato chips). This of course is faulty because, at any given moment, I or anyone can step into peace should they choose.

Now, knowing that the purpose is peace, we can ask, “How can I access that deep peace (or other core state) without having to do this problematic behavior? 

That is where I'm going to end today. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for getting curious about yourself, your health, your life, your relationships. 

I will catch you in the next episode of the Wonder With Me podcast. And in the meantime, may you choose to make all of your dreams come true.