"Bring this back home to your heart. Where's a place where you're not connected or aligned to your trueness, that's blocking you from connecting deeply with the people around you?" - Dr. Tonia Winchester

Why do we all lie to ourselves? What do we negate ourselves? Pretend like we’re different people? Listen in as I I share my experience about recently listening to the lyrics of a very well-known song and how this sparked a whole train of questions and curiosities. It really got me wondering about why we deny our truth - both on the inside and in our outwardly facing lives and behaviors.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute a therapeutic relationship and is not in any way, shape, or form designed or intended  to be therapeutic, clinical, or medical advice.

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ESCAPE Lyrics by Rupert Holmes

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🧠💗💫Thanks for wondering with me today. If you got something good out of this then please forward this episode to people who you know could benefit.

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🙏Thank you in advance for that. If you're wanting more insights about how you can leverage the power of your unconscious mind to go back into healing mode head on over to ⁠⁠⁠⁠toniawinchester.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ where you can find my book: books: Break Through The Insomnia Cycle and Thinking Kindly and other helpful ideas.

👏Thanks again and we'll connect on the next episode of the Wonder With Me.

In the meantime may you choose to make all your dreams come true.

🧠💗💫 Dr. Tonia Winchester, ND, NLP

Naturopathic DoctorMind-Body Healing Coach

Author: ⁠Break Through The Insomnia Cycle⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Author: ⁠⁠Thinking Kindly⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

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🎵INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC: West My Friend   

APPROXIMATE TRANSCRIPT (AI generated summary)

Okay, so you know that song that goes, “If you like piña coladas?” 

What a catchy tune, right? For the first time I really listened to the lyrics of that song which is called “Escape” by Rupert Holmes. 

Here are some of the lyrics

I was tired of my lady

We'd been together too long

Like a worn out recording of a favorite song

He goes on to say that while she's sleeping, he checks the personal columns. He reads one advert: 

If you like piña coladas

Getting caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain

If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape

Then I'm the love that you've looked for

Write to me and escape.

Then he writes an ad back in response and says: 

Yes, I like piña coladas

And getting caught in the rain… 

He invites the author of the ad he responded to to meet him the next day. 

When he's at the pub waiting for this magical mystery woman to arrive, guess who walks in? 

His lady! You know the one he was tired of? 

She was the one who put out the ad. 

And yet here they find each other newly understanding that: 

Wait a minute! I didn't know that you liked piña coladas! 

Wait a minute! I didn't know that you liked getting caught in the rain! 

I didn't know that you liked the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne!

No wait, you like making love at midnight? 

The summary of the plot of this song with its twists and turns is basically: she's bored; he's bored; and then they find each other again. 

Why did they get so far into their relationship not knowing these things?

Why do we get so far into our relationships, into our jobs, into our commitments, pretending to be a totally different person or not fully exposing who we actually are?

Yes I understand in certain situations there are identities that we bring, personas that we wear for a number of reasons: To fit in, to get accepted, to get love, and sometimes that's actually perfectly appropriate.

There are counter-examples of when that's perfectly okay to do.

What I'm actually talking about here is those other places where you would think it wouldn't be necessary, and yet we still do it.

Why don’t we express pieces of ourselves, even ones that we might even be very proud of?

Why are we lying? Hiding the truth?

Some might argue that the definition of lying is more about having an intent to deceive. I don’t think what I’m talking about is intentional. 

I doubt we’re waking up everyday saying, “Today's the day I have to hide my trueness!“

I have a feeling it's more unconscious, driven by a deep need to connect, gain love and acceptance.

The weird thing about connecting though, is we need to be vulnerable to do that. We can't connect in a way that's real and authentic when we're not being real and authentic.

Don't you find this interesting?

I'm reflecting on these lyrics in my own life and I can see places where I haven't told people about the things I believe and am into. Places where I've hidden facts about myself because it felt more important to hide than to say, “I like these quirky things I like these quirky things!”

What would it take for us to be able to express who we are, who we want to be, what we want to do, and what we want to have? 

What would have to be true within us for us to be totally fine expressing and putting ourselves out there in a way that's bold? 

What if we could just be 100% whole in all circumstances of our lives and come forward as whole, true selves, with nothing to hide? 

I don't know… would the world crumble? Would everything fall apart?

But seriously… how would that make things different for us? 

There would be less games we play, less power dynamics dances we engage in, less assumptions. 

Gone would be the days where our “loved ones” say, “Oh I thought you liked Chinese food!”

There would be less negative interpretations which I talk about in my book Thinking Kindly: Seven Steps To Stop Self-Criticism And Change Negative Thoughts Into Positive Ones 

In the book I cover how when we're upset it's because we've made an interpretation about what someone did and what it means about us. I challenge readers to make seven other interpretations… 

If we didn’t feel the need to hide ourselves, there would be no guessing games, no hours spent lingering and wondering if we're liked or disliked. We could just know the truth, hear the truth, be okay with the truth and move on. 

What a world it would be! What a thing to get curious about today!

I'm super curious about what you think about this: 

If everybody was so healed and so whole that they didn't need to hide or lie about who they are, what would be different?

Bring this back home to your heart. Where's a place where you're really aware that you're not connected, not aligned with your trueness, that you're putting on a persona and it's blocking you from connecting deeply with people around you?

What is that thing for you?

And what would life be like if you didn't have to put on that persona or hide that thing?

What would that mean?

It's probably pretty scary to think about and if you play it out in your mind you might even get to a point where you think, “You know what? That's not so bad!”

The only way to make those connections is speak freely and honestly about where you're at and who you are. 

Just as these lyrics struck me for the first time (even though I've been singing along for decades but never paid attention until now), maybe now is an opportunity for you to start paying attention to places where you're hiding or lying or denying or negating yourself.  

Take one small step towards bringing some of it into light.

If you're having trouble connecting with the parts you're denying or negating or want help speaking your truth or standing up moving forward or letting go… I can help! 

SHIFT sessions expose buried aspects of ourselves so we stop living lies, stop negating selves and start moving towards our deep desires - even the ones we haven’t noticed yet.