"We’ve made an interpretation that we can't affect this outcome at all. It is what it is. Maybe we can't affect the outcome, but what we can do is affect how we are inside." - Dr. Tonia Winchester

There is a lot going on in the world these days that makes it really easy to spiral into fear, confusion, and uncertainty. Speaking to my American friends and clients over the past several weeks, not one of them has said, “I’m perfectly comfortable with how things turned out.”

There is a pervasive culture of stress and anxiety, globally. It’s all really heavy stuff. And it can be easy to get really bogged down in it. For me, I know that when I let myself do that, it never ends well. I get sick or say or do something I regret.

It’s not my favorite way to be. In light of that heaviness, I’ve been thinking about how we can maintain our inner peace. I jam about that exact thing In this episode.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute a therapeutic relationship and is not in any way, shape, or form designed or intended  to be therapeutic, clinical, or medical advice.

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LINKS/ SHOW NOTES: 

FROM DR. TONIA

Episode 53 - Giving YourSelf Space

FREE AUDIO: LISTENERS

WORK TOGETHER

SHIFT session

LIFT session

3 month Breakthrough

FROM OTHERS: 

BOOK: Core Transformation by Connie-Rae Andreas

BOOK: A Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Frankyl

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🧠💗💫Thanks for wondering with me today. If you got something good out of this then please forward this episode to people who you know could benefit.

Be sure to subscribe, and if you're really keen when you leave us a rating and review, that helps us help more people.

🙏Thank you in advance for that. If you're wanting more insights about how you can leverage the power of your unconscious mind to go back into healing mode head on over to ⁠⁠⁠⁠toniawinchester.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ where you can find my books: Break Through The Insomnia Cycle and Thinking Kindly and other helpful ideas.

👏Thanks again and we'll connect on the next episode of the Wonder With Me.

In the meantime may you choose to make all your dreams come true.

🧠💗💫 Dr. Tonia Winchester, ND, NLP

Naturopathic Doctor

Mind-Body Healing Coach

Author: ⁠Break Through The Insomnia Cycle⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Author: ⁠⁠Thinking Kindly⁠

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➕For more post and podcasts head to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠coach.toniawinchster.com/posts⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠🙋‍♀️What to get in touch? Leave me a voice message right here on Spotify. I love hearing from listeners!

🎵INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC: West My Friend   

APPROXIMATE TRANSCRIPT

This episode was inspired by recent current American political events. I recorded this on the Friday after the American 2024 election. I know there's a lot of fear, confusion, and uncertainty that exists right now in the hearts and minds of millions of people

I'm Canadian and often interact with Americans in various Zoom meetings and classes. I didn’t met with one person that week who has said, “Ah, I'm perfectly comfortable with how things played out.” There is pervasive stress and anxiety in the global culture right now. 

Questions like: 

What is going to happen to me? My health? My livelihood? My partnerships? My relationships? My marriage?

Were some of the things I've been chatting about with people this week

It’s all really heavy stuff. 

In light of that heaviness, I want to talk today about inner peace and keeping it. 

In episode 53, Giving Yourself Space, I mentioned a type of mind-body healing work called Core Transformation developed by Connie Rae Andreas. The purpose of the work is to invite the elements, parts, aspects of ourselves, parts of ourselves such as thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that we might judge or want to change to have a dialogue. The ultimate question is, “What do you want?” -- a great question to ask yourself (as a whole being), and also helpful to ask these parts of yourself.

A belief in Neurolinguistic Programming is that every behavior is trying to meet a need, serve a purpose. Even the most uncomfortable, unproductive, unhelpful behaviors or habits are trying to help us reach something. 

In this work, we invite both the parts and ourselves first to name and then to claim the experience of having a deep, core positive state.

These core states don’t rely upon anything or anyone outside of ourselves. They exist because they exist, and all we have to do is step into them. They would be technically appropriate in any situation. Even in the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching scenarios, these core states would still make sense. 

They include things like: 

• LOVE - not the love between humans or pets or thingst. It's universal, expansive love as consciousness. 

• WHOLENESS - being whole, integrated, complete. 

• ONENESS - being connected to all that is. 

• OKAYNESS - being completely okay with how things are, accepting them

• PEACE - deep, inner peace

I offer Core Transformation work within the LIFT sessions or 3 MONTH BREAKTHROUGH program..

We’re going to focus on the last two. 

What is OKAYNESS? 

A quick Google search defines this as the state or condition of being okay, adequateness, tolerableness. 

Recently a house guest came out of the bathroom, into the kitchen, grabbed a paper towel and started drying their hands. 

I said, “Why didn't you use the towel in the bathroom?” I have these reusable flannel, “paper towels,” on a roll, with a little basket underneath for the used ones so they can be laundered. 

They replied, “I didn't want you to have to wash another thing.”  What a ridiculous thing. 

And I asked, “if I was at your house, would you mind if I used one of your towels?”

“No, of course not.” 

I said, “Right, so you made the opposite choice at my place.” 

They then dismissively said, “Whatever. It is what it is.”

Now that caught my attention because when people say that phrase, it implies that there's something that's going on that's outside of their control, outside of their ability to choose differently. It’s going on without their consent or them being able to influence the situation. 

It is what it is. What can you do about it? Oh, well.

This doesn’t apply in this scenario. This was a choice they had complete control over. It didn't have to be what it was. And it only was what it was because they chose for it to be that way. 

When people say, “It is what it is,” it’s very dismissive. It's like surrendering, relinquishing, throwing your hands up and giving up. 

It is what it is. 

And what if it wasn't? 

What if it was something other than what it is? 

Because things are only what we interpret them to be. If we’re facing challenges like this climate of global confusion and uncertainty, and we were to say, “It is what it is,” it's just like laying on our backs like submissive dogs would do.

We’ve made an interpretation that we can't affect this outcome at all. It is what it is. Maybe we can't affect the outcome, but what we can do is affect how we are inside. 

This is where okayness comes in. 

Can I be okay in myself, in my integrity, in who I am, in what I'm doing in spite of these circumstances? The answer could be yes, or it could be no. Ultimately, you're in charge of the answer. How are you willing to interpret this? How are you willing to consider and look at this? Can you be okay even if, even when, even though?

That may seem really hard - and I agree. I’m not suggesting this is an easy thing to do. However, when we can pause and reflect inside, ”You know what, I'm actually still okay in this moment right here and right now. I'm still okay.” 

Viktor Frankl's book A Man's Search for Meaning, is a seminal work on this idea of choosing your own resolve, the way that you look at things, and decide how to interpret them. 

One of his most famous quotes is: 

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

And also: 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

That us to this idea of peace and keeping it. Because if you can be okay, then very likely you can hold on to your inner peace. A coach once said to me, “Tonia, you're letting so-and-so steal your inner peace.” He was totally right! “Don't let anyone steal your inner peace!” he said.

What does that take? What does that require for us to be able to embody these things, particularly this okayness and this peace? 

This becomes a potent transformation ground when we make these internal changes, inviting okayness and inviting inner peace to be our norm. 

You may be thinking, “But me having those things is equal to me rolling over and being submissive.” There is more than one way to look at this and I’m wondering what is the most helpful way to look at it?

If you maintain your calm, you know how much better those painful or uncomfortable or awkward situations play out. And I’m sure you know when you come to those scenarios with inflamed reactivity, irritability, how they orten don’t turn out how you wanted. 

I think we all know deep down that when we can guard and embody these two states of being: okayness and inner peace, that things flow in a more harmonious and gentle way. 

If you don’t think keeping these states could be helpful, would you be willing to consider it? 

You can say things to yourself like, 

“I'm willing to consider that I can be okay in this situation, right now”

“I'm willing to consider that I can maintain my peace here, that I am at peace, and that would be helpful.” 

In my book, Thinking Kindly, I talk about this choice and willingness to consider things in a new way. Eventually, you can drop the consideration and just be willing. 

“I'm willing to maintain my okayness, my inner peace.”

Eventually you can just have it. 

Of course, there are ways to expedite that, which could involve doing a LIFT session with me.

When my dad was in ICU just before he passed away, I was relaying to my husband what we had learned from the doctors that day. He asked, “How are you so calm right now? I'm losing my shit over here.” 

Admittedly it could have been the shock, and also I think that I've practiced enough of these core states that I really was okay and at peace. After he died, it felt like people were projecting a lot of (their own?) pain  onto me. While sad and a huge loss, I was still okay. Even though, even when, even as I would cry for hours in the car, or on my husband’s shoulder, I was okay.

It’s a paradigm shift and I'm inviting you to consider it (or be willing to consider it). 

No matter what is going on around you, can you be okay? Can you maintain your inner peace? If so, amazing. If not, here are some helpful resources:

1. An exercise from Thinking Kindly: If you're not okay or upset about something, it’s because you've made an interpretation about what that means about you, your role, or your relationship. Challenge yourself to come up with seven other interpretations. Write them down. By the time you get to five or six, you’ll find this place of being curious and compassionate. I elaborate on that in the book, Thinking Kindly.

2. The book, Thinking Kindly.

3. LIFT session where we can invite these thoughts, feelings and behaviors that you want to change into a relaxing meditative process to accept and to embody these deep core states.